Saturday, August 29, 2009

matchmaker, matchmaker

I don't know if it is the Asian in me, but I just have this uncontrollable compulsion to play matchmaker all the time. The next likely victim is my own flesh and blood.





My sister's current "boyfriend" needs to be replaced. He is a third degree douche-nozzle. Of course he is. My sister doesn't really have great taste in guys. Her first real boyfriend was married (I told her he was. Why does no one ever fucking listen to me?!). Her second boyfriend was a pompous, closeted homosexual. Her new boyfriend, in my humble opinion, doesn't seem to like her very much. Can you say, "Jesus help the children"?! This is what I am working with here.


The problem, as I see it, is that she always meets people online. I'm old school. Just like buying clothes online is a crap shoot, so is selecting boyfriends. They're probably not gonna fit. Boyfriends need to be tried on. Which means dates, in-person awkward ice-breaking conversations, etc... Getting emotionally invested in someone before you even meet them is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. Plus, it is so easy to hide your REAL personality online. Most people, unless they are sociopaths, have a hard time putting on a false persona in their real world interactions. I am making it my mission to find a real life candidate for Malissa to try. I will find you, Man O' My Sister's Dreams. <--so pyscho, but that's why y'all love me.